The familiar orange and red glow that accompanies an impromptu candlelight vigil filled a corner of Victor Monday night.
Patti Duprey organized it. She said Shane Borgus was the love of her life. She spoke about giving all of the people who knew the 27-year old Victor man a place to come and celebrate Shane's life, not mourn him. And they did; dozens of young people, some old, came to share the moment.
Shane Borgus was a passenger in an SUV that rolled over in Farmington the night before. The driver, a 19-year old friend, is charged with DWI.
Patti smiled as she told the TV news crews how she was Shane's special friend and how he loved the San Francisco 49'ers and was an incredible cook, and how the night was an overwhelming success because of all the people who turned out.
Meanwhile, another of Shane's friends stood just behind her. Watch the TV footage and you couldn't help but notice him. He was staring at Patti. Maybe he was just sad about the recount of their friend, Shane.
Or was he wondering: "why is she smiling? Is she enjoying this?"
The candlelight vigil's becoming like another chain store opening at the mall. They're everywhere.
Besides the ones held for EVERY SINGLE victim of violence in Rochester, and beyond, there are now the ones for every other occasion.
The vigil to end them all lasted more than a week in Fairport a year ago, when five cheerleaders and newly minted graduates died in a crash. A hillside behind the high school became the place to gather. The school renamed it in their honor.
Patti Duprey organized it. She said Shane Borgus was the love of her life. She spoke about giving all of the people who knew the 27-year old Victor man a place to come and celebrate Shane's life, not mourn him. And they did; dozens of young people, some old, came to share the moment.
Shane Borgus was a passenger in an SUV that rolled over in Farmington the night before. The driver, a 19-year old friend, is charged with DWI.
Patti smiled as she told the TV news crews how she was Shane's special friend and how he loved the San Francisco 49'ers and was an incredible cook, and how the night was an overwhelming success because of all the people who turned out.
Meanwhile, another of Shane's friends stood just behind her. Watch the TV footage and you couldn't help but notice him. He was staring at Patti. Maybe he was just sad about the recount of their friend, Shane.
Or was he wondering: "why is she smiling? Is she enjoying this?"
The candlelight vigil's becoming like another chain store opening at the mall. They're everywhere.
Besides the ones held for EVERY SINGLE victim of violence in Rochester, and beyond, there are now the ones for every other occasion.
The vigil to end them all lasted more than a week in Fairport a year ago, when five cheerleaders and newly minted graduates died in a crash. A hillside behind the high school became the place to gather. The school renamed it in their honor.
Which begs the question: why all the public wakes? Last I knew, the family of the deceased hosted them so that those closest could pay their respects.
Now, we have vigils where people who are most often not family, upstage the wakes in the name of publicly recognizing the deceased. To remember, they say. To celebrate.
Trouble is, these events (and they've now become that. Just ask newsrooms planners) don't allow people to grieve.
Instead they "celebrate" the deceased. Or maybe, just come together to be seen supporting the sadness.
Do they bring people together? The dozens who turned out in Victor Monday answer that question, just like the thousands who turned out in Fairport last year did.
But what's learned? And whose vigil is it? Not the family's.
It's the organizers who want to pay tribute; to light up the night to show people who their friend was. To show what they can do for their friend.
Perhaps, instead of distracting themselves with event planning, the healthiest thing for folks to do is to stop and reflect on the loss on their own. It's part of life. It needs to be dealt with.
Grieving is good. And it doesn't have to be public.
1 comment:
If you were at Shane's wake and funeral, you would understand that Shane meant so much to so many people. As a member of Shane's family, we were touched by the efforts of Shane's friends - who to this day celebrate his birthday and spend time with his parents at Christmas. There is nothing wrong with a wake, or whatever the hell people want to do to CELEBRATE a life - which is exactly how Shane would have wanted it.
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